This year marks my 40th wedding anniversary. It is called the Ruby Anniversary. Ruby, because rubies are thought to possess an eternal inner flame which is a symbol that the passion in a marriage is still very alive and strong after 40 years together.
This is also the year for my eldest sister’s only child’s wedding, after a 10 year courtship. My sister asked me to write something to her daughter that would be words of wisdom from an old married woman. So I thought and prayed about it and this is what I wrote.
What the cross has brought to my marriage is fresh starts and new beginnings.
What this means to me is due to the fall of Adam we are all imperfect and prone to mistakes.
Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Realizing that we are all sinners in the need of God’s saving grace has help me to understand my position in Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
A huge part of this has been understanding what is God’s love and what is our sinful fleshly demanding love. Our ability to give and respond to love is a precious gift from God.
Matthew 22:37-38 (NIV)
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.”
1 Corinthians 4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
The Biblical definition of “Love” is the willing, sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others without thought of return.
The definition of “Self-Love” is the willing or unwilling giving of oneself to others with selfish thoughts of return.
Knowing God’s love helped me to be patient, forgiving others and not holding on to past grudges or hurts. It has helped me to understand that my reliance in on God is more important then my reliance on my husband, keeping me from unrealistic expectations and trying to control him.
Frequently one does not realize they have an unrealistic expectation. When we experience feelings of anger and disappointment, it is important to carefully evaluate these feelings by asking God to reveal (through the Holy Spirit) the true cause.
There is our desire to be in control (to be our own god). Second there is our underlying lack of faith that God is performing all things on our behalf, for our good and His glory.
There are many outside influences that tempt us daily to have unrealistic expectations: advertising, TV, books, music, movies, etc. One of the most powerful is peer pressure.
It is not easy to disagree. But not expressing your position will not aid your communication.
1. Focus on the problem or issue (Not the person)
2. Explain your position (With concrete reasons)
3. Use “I” statements. Talk in terms of yourself. Example” I really feel frustrated when you ask me to ……..” Speak honestly and openly without attacking the other person. You have the right to say “no” and state your needs and the changes you would like see to happen. It is natural to become angry, upset or happy and satisfied. Be true to your feelings. Steer clear of being too passive and avoiding conflicts, too aggressive both verbally and physically, passive and aggressive by trying to control others in subtle and sneaky ways.
This year we are celebrating 40 years of marriage. Our marriage has not been problem free but we value our love for each other. We take pleasure in spending time together, looking forward to quiet times together.
Another huge thing for me was to renew my mind with Gods word. Memorize Scripture replacing the old doubts and bad self talk with God’s Word.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will
The biblical definition of Joy:
“Joy is a cheerful calm delight and rejoicing in a particular circumstance.”
When we are faced with circumstances in life that are less than enjoyable, our natural tendency is to think the worst. However, under the influence of the Spirit, we realize that God intends these circumstances to be for our good. As a result of this realization, our proper response from God will be to remain calm and delight in our “less-than-enjoyable” circumstances. Colossians 1:10-12
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
The definition of Frustration:
“A rejection or unhappy refusal in the circumstances of life.”
The key principles from Reformers Unanimous that really helped me was:
Principle #6 Those who do not love the Lord will not help us serve the Lord
Principle #7 Our sinful habits do hurt those who follow us
Principle #10 God balances guilt with blame. Accept the blame for your actions and God will remove the guilt.