The Biblical definition of “Love” is the willing, sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others without thought of return.
The definition of “Self-Love” is the willing or unwilling giving of oneself to others with selfish thoughts of return.
Our ability to give and respond to love is a precious gift from God.
Matthew 22:37-38 (NIV)
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.This is the first and greatest commandment.”
The heart that God fashioned in His image is the center of our being. Our hearts ability to open up to love and to allow love to flow outward is crucial to life.
Matthew 22:39-40 (NIV)
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Because of past hurts and fear of rejection it has been difficult giving and receiving love. Remembering the first few years of marriage when my husband told me he loved me, I didn’t believe it. I did all the expected courtesy saying “Thank you honey I love you too”, but I never believed it within my heart. Due to fear and past hurts I unknowingly closed my heart to others making it impossible to give and receive love.
The Apostle Paul spoke to the Corinthian Church about this:
2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (NIV)
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.
Our loving heart, like our physical heart needs an inflow as well as an out flow of Christs Lifeblood. The trust muscle needs to be used and exercised; if injured it will slow down or weaken. We need to feed our heart God’s Word daily to heal it. We need to take responsibility for this loving function of ourselves and use it.
The thing I didn’t realize in my hurt was that there has been lots of love around me but I didn’t realize it. My loneliness was a lack of my response to the love all around me. Others love including my husband’s couldn’t get in. I kept negating their love responses to me in my bad self-talk and in my own actions to them.
I needed to take responsibility for this area of my soul and allow God’s healing Words to heal me.
2 Corinthians 10:5
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Romans 5:8 (NIV)
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Resourses:
Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Transformer by Reformers Unanimous