One of my major life stronghold has been Co-Dependency. This teaching by my good friend Bonnie Lisech of Deeper Roots Publications who has helped me realize that unrealistic expectations and trying to control have not been very useful to me. As Christians we may think that trying to control others is Godly. For instance, wanting to control our children’ s behavior and activities to keep them from harm or harmful influences. We may protect them for a while but as they grow older they will make personal choices and we need to trust God to lead them.
There is nothing wrong with having expectations. The scriptures tell us in Romans 8:19 that even creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed (NIV). But this expectation is based on TRUTH – expectation for the fulfillment of God’s promise. Often our personal expectations are not based on truth, but rather on something imagined or wished for. Therefore, they are unrealistic expectations.
Expectations usually have their root in our desire to CONTROL our circumstances or other people. This desire is not from God but is a work of sin nature of man. Adam and Eve’s desire to control or to be their own god is recorded in Genesis 3:5 in the phrase, “And you will be like God.”
Frequently we do not realize we have an unrealistic expectation. When we experience feelings of anger and disappointment, it is important to carefully evaluate why these feelings are present by asking God to reveal (through the Holy Spirit) the true cause. Confessing the sins of anger and disappointment is not enough – we must confess the root.
First there is our desire to be in control (to be our own god). Second there is our underlying lack of faith that God is performing all things on our behalf, for our good and His glory.
There are many outside influences that tempt us to have unrealistic expectations: advertising, TV, books, music, movies, etc. One of the most powerful is peer pressure.
1st There is our desire to be in control (to be our own god.)
2nd There is our underlying lack of faith that God is performing all things on our behalf, for our good and His glory.
David was able to be calm and to praise God in the face of disaster. David turned his lack of control into actions taken by faith in God, the One who does control. Because David knew God was good, faithful, and able to deliver him, he based his faith and confidence in the attributes of God and trusted the Lord with his life in times of adversity.
David’s ACTION PLAN when faced with unexpected circumstances (Psalms 57).
List the action described in each of the following verses:
v.1 – He takes refuge [protection] in God.
v.2 – He cries out to God for help.
v.3 – He trusts in God for deliverance.
v.4-6 He evaluates his circumstances realistically.
v. 5-7, 9 – He worships God and sings praises to Him for His attributes and actions.
v. 10 – He remembers the faithfulness and greatness of God.